Week Three

Ok, so part of me taking the summer off was to spend time with my kids. This would be my 10 and 12 year olds. This is the first summer in their life that they do not have to go to childcare/camp. Typically their summer days were long, to get to camp they need to get up earlier than they needed to for school and their days there were longer.

I thought this would be great for them, able to stay up a little later, sleep in a little longer and the things we could do together. Little did I know how much they would like it, days I wanted to head out to the zoo or to run an errand, it took forever to get them going. No one wanted to get dressed or go out, they were in an electronic zombie state. During the school year, electronics are only allowed on the weekends, so having the summer off they were in Minecraft heaven. When they did get moving it was around 3:00 for the pool in the back yard.

I was going to have their friends over to build those summer memories of hanging out, building, creating, discovering. Ha, that didn't turn out, could never get on the same schedule of availability with them- ugh.

I secretly, didn't mind as I too was feeling a bit lazy. My main goal for the week was figuring out a budget friendly little summer family vacation as my husband;s vacation takes up my 4th week off of work.

Week Two

Week Two...

I found week two to be the reality week. Wow not working shows you that there are many hours in the day, and now I'm trying to figure out what to do with them all. When I worked I never had never enough hours in the day.

I was adamant when I left my job that I was going to get some projects done around the house. So I pushed myself to start on one, the office. This room has collected stacks of paper to be filed and more that needed to be purged and shredded not to mention the dust, ugh. I spent a day on this and felt good. I cleaned and organized  all my office stuff, however, the other half of the office, my husbands side is still a mess.

I really was hoping he would instinctively jump on the band wagon and start cleaning and purging his side, yeah not so much. He still works all day and this would be a weekend project for him.

Here comes another discovery to being home all day, the guilt. Now that I am home I feel like I have to be accomplishing something everyday. Previously my husband and I shared all household responsibilities but now I feel a sense of obligation to take on more. Now please note, my husband assures me he does not expect that, this is my own sense of guilt. I have found myself lost at times, standing and staring blankly in the room looking around to do something.  I have spent so much time (years) juggling so many things and to now go to 20 percent of that I feel my mind is not being 100 percent utilized.

I am starting to feel a little under utilized.. What will week three bring?

Week one

What I discovered on my first week off:

The first day was a bit depressing, it was a cloudy damp day. The kids were not home some I had a lot of alone time to process and grieve if you will, the loss of my job. For 24 years I had a place to go, a purpose, a goal. This was gone, it is now a part of my past. I know I'll move on however I also know that I needed to go through this process to move forward.

Traffic and construction. I can not figure out while so many are on the road and why construction is everywhere. During the week I ran a few errands what I estimated to take me a 10 minute drive was a half an hour with detours to boot.

Everyone is adapting. While I am thinking about myself and what I now want and need, I see that I am not alone. My husband is now curious as to how I'm spending my time, I think he envisions me on the computer doing nothing all day. The kids have lost track as to what day it is, being off of school and me home now.

How does it feel? This is the question everyone is asking. I am elated and thrilled that our income is now cut in half, NO. Is it worth not having the constant feeling of stress and anxiety? YES! I can breath, and that feels great.

Structure. I am discovering I do need some sense of structure, a plan for the day if you will. The few days I "took it easy" were non productive and made me feel lazy. The days I had a little to do list, I felt better.

Now what? I sit here trying to figure out week two.

Unemployed for the first time

I am 46 years old and have been someones employee for 24 years. Now don't get me wrong I am also a mother, wife, daughter and sister. That is how I see myself, unfortunately as you can see work came first.
That is until Monday ( June 29th, 2015).
I joke that I did not choose my midlife crisis, rather is found me. The company I have been with for half my life is going through major changers and stress. With impending possibilities of the company closing it was time to reevaluate my life and priorities.
I did a lot of sole searching over the course of a year. Was I up to the challenges of starting anew with the company? How will this effect my family? My stress? My anxiety? After a lot of sole searching and planning and evaluating I knew I needed to give notice. I planned and saved to allow myself a few weeks to spend the summer with my children and figure out - now what?